1 00:00:34,440 --> 00:00:37,360 Hello, and welcome. You're watching a show called Taskmaster 2 00:00:37,400 --> 00:00:38,920 with a man called Greg Davies. 3 00:00:38,960 --> 00:00:42,280 The battle for this tremendous trophy is really raging, 4 00:00:42,320 --> 00:00:44,760 as we enter the third instalment of the series. 5 00:00:44,800 --> 00:00:47,960 And our competitors are here to proudly represent their 6 00:00:48,000 --> 00:00:52,240 homelands, hailing from such exotic kingdoms as Kettering, 7 00:00:52,280 --> 00:00:56,600 Bradford, Carmarthen, Ealing and, of course, Stoke-on-Trent. 8 00:00:56,640 --> 00:00:59,560 So, let's all give a red-hot welcome to our fearless five. 9 00:00:59,600 --> 00:01:01,400 James Acaster... 10 00:01:01,440 --> 00:01:03,080 {\an1}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 11 00:01:03,120 --> 00:01:05,320 ..Jessica Knappet... 12 00:01:05,360 --> 00:01:07,800 ..Kerry Godliman... 13 00:01:07,840 --> 00:01:10,080 ..Phil Wang... 14 00:01:10,120 --> 00:01:12,040 ..and Rhod Gilbert. 15 00:01:12,080 --> 00:01:14,040 {\an1}CHEERING 16 00:01:14,080 --> 00:01:17,280 And, here, balanced on top of a benevolent booster seat, 17 00:01:17,320 --> 00:01:19,280 it's my pint-sized PA. 18 00:01:19,320 --> 00:01:20,320 Oooh. 19 00:01:20,360 --> 00:01:23,880 street shout at him? 20 00:01:23,920 --> 00:01:25,680 21 00:01:25,720 --> 00:01:28,640 {\an1}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 22 00:01:30,560 --> 00:01:33,160 What's in your pocket, Alex? Well, I've come up with a game. 23 00:01:33,200 --> 00:01:37,120 I wanted to contribute to the format, so I thought if I 24 00:01:37,160 --> 00:01:40,040 come up with a task... 25 00:01:41,080 --> 00:01:43,440 ..maybe I can affect the show more. 26 00:01:43,480 --> 00:01:48,480 So, erm, it's a game called "Stone, Paperclip", OK? 27 00:01:48,520 --> 00:01:51,040 So, in my hand, I've either got a stone or a paperclip. 28 00:01:51,080 --> 00:01:55,360 Do you want to have a game? Yeah. 29 00:01:55,400 --> 00:01:57,240 Ready? Yeah, OK. 30 00:01:57,280 --> 00:01:59,720 Stone? Yes. 31 00:01:59,760 --> 00:02:01,520 We'll do it again? Yep. OK. 32 00:02:01,560 --> 00:02:03,440 Don't look. Yep. 33 00:02:03,480 --> 00:02:06,080 Paper clip? Yes. Again? 34 00:02:06,120 --> 00:02:09,960 Paper clip. Yes, you're good at this. Yep. 35 00:02:10,000 --> 00:02:12,120 Paper clip. Yes. 36 00:02:13,680 --> 00:02:15,040 OK. 37 00:02:15,080 --> 00:02:18,200 Another go? Stone. Yes, very good. 38 00:02:18,240 --> 00:02:20,720 {\an1}LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 39 00:02:23,360 --> 00:02:24,880 It's prize task time. Beep. 40 00:02:24,920 --> 00:02:26,800 So, the prize category for this specific show, 41 00:02:26,840 --> 00:02:29,520 is best thing from the '90s, OK. 42 00:02:29,560 --> 00:02:31,520 Interesting. 43 00:02:31,560 --> 00:02:34,200 So, Greg Davies will decide who he thinks has brought in the 44 00:02:34,240 --> 00:02:38,400 best thing from the '90s, and gift that person five Taskmaster points. 45 00:02:38,440 --> 00:02:42,960 At the end of the show, the winner won't take home any of the prizes... 46 00:02:43,000 --> 00:02:44,000 Not. 47 00:02:46,680 --> 00:02:48,640 The winner will, of course, 48 00:02:48,680 --> 00:02:51,760 take home all five best things from the '90s. 49 00:02:51,800 --> 00:02:54,480 Phil Wang, what's the best thing you've brought in? 50 00:02:54,520 --> 00:02:58,200 I was born in Stoke-on-Trent, in January 1990, 51 00:02:58,240 --> 00:03:00,640 so my best thing from the '90s is... 52 00:03:00,680 --> 00:03:01,800 ..It's me, Phil Wang. 53 00:03:01,840 --> 00:03:04,480 {\an1}LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 54 00:03:09,040 --> 00:03:12,240 We make it clear that the prize is to be kept by the person who 55 00:03:12,280 --> 00:03:13,640 wins, permanently. 56 00:03:13,680 --> 00:03:16,520 Some people might not want you for the rest of their lives. 57 00:03:16,560 --> 00:03:19,320 Me, for one. That one, there. 58 00:03:19,360 --> 00:03:21,680 Well, it's a good thing Rhod's not going to win. 59 00:03:23,800 --> 00:03:25,720 James, what have you brought in from the '90s? 60 00:03:25,760 --> 00:03:29,120 So, I love the '90s. Because they were the end of me being a toddler. 61 00:03:29,160 --> 00:03:32,400 My toddler years were the worst years of my life. 62 00:03:32,440 --> 00:03:35,040 People used to grab me by the arms and swing me around, 63 00:03:35,080 --> 00:03:39,040 so I've brought in a collage of Goodbye To My Toddler Years. 64 00:03:39,080 --> 00:03:40,400 OK. 65 00:03:40,440 --> 00:03:41,440 Fuck off! 66 00:03:43,760 --> 00:03:47,200 Is there any part of you that wants me to hold you upside down now, 67 00:03:47,240 --> 00:03:50,040 to make sure that you didn't have a good time, back then? 68 00:03:50,080 --> 00:03:52,360 You couldn't hold me upside down. Yes, I could. 69 00:03:52,400 --> 00:03:54,440 {\an1}LAUGHTER 70 00:03:54,480 --> 00:03:56,640 CHANTING: Hold him upside down! Hold him upside down! 71 00:04:01,120 --> 00:04:03,600 How are you even doing this? Yes! Yes! 72 00:04:03,640 --> 00:04:05,480 {\an1}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 73 00:04:15,760 --> 00:04:17,440 I loved it! 74 00:04:17,480 --> 00:04:21,520 That's cast a different light on all this, hasn't it? 75 00:04:21,560 --> 00:04:25,800 Next, Jessica. I've brought a book from the '90s. OK. 76 00:04:25,840 --> 00:04:30,160 This man changed the course of cultural history. 77 00:04:30,200 --> 00:04:32,560 It's Timmy Mallett. 78 00:04:37,560 --> 00:04:40,360 That's one of the only books I've ever read. 79 00:04:40,400 --> 00:04:42,200 I'm sure he's a perfectly nice man, 80 00:04:42,240 --> 00:04:45,760 but I found his televisual presence quite unsettling in the '90s. 81 00:04:47,160 --> 00:04:51,800 Was it because he hosted a game show and he punished his contestants? 82 00:04:51,840 --> 00:04:54,320 {\an1}LAUGHTER 83 00:04:59,800 --> 00:05:02,680 It is a treasured possession. I can show you the inside cover. 84 00:05:02,720 --> 00:05:05,400 It was actually from 1989. 85 00:05:05,440 --> 00:05:07,600 AUDIENCE: Ooh. 86 00:05:07,640 --> 00:05:08,640 Ha-ha-ha-ha. 87 00:05:11,640 --> 00:05:14,640 You've instantly been disqualified. No! Oh, that's really harsh. 88 00:05:14,680 --> 00:05:16,800 Oh, not wide awake! 89 00:05:18,280 --> 00:05:21,240 Rhod, what have you brought in from the '90s? I don't believe it. 90 00:05:21,280 --> 00:05:24,600 I found this little gem, hiding... 91 00:05:30,360 --> 00:05:32,040 Oh, my God. 92 00:05:34,120 --> 00:05:35,320 So, is that from the '90s? 93 00:05:35,360 --> 00:05:38,640 No, this is a photo from 2010. Yes. Ha-ha-ha. 94 00:05:38,680 --> 00:05:41,360 But I have a back-up picture. 95 00:05:41,400 --> 00:05:43,560 Here is a lovely picture of Spice Girls. 96 00:05:50,720 --> 00:05:53,560 Kerry, tell me yours is from the actual '90s. 97 00:05:53,600 --> 00:05:56,600 Mine is so firmly from the '90s. Here it is. 98 00:05:56,640 --> 00:05:59,280 Friends. It's the whole boxset. Solid. 99 00:05:59,320 --> 00:06:00,800 {\an1}APPLAUSE 100 00:06:00,840 --> 00:06:04,400 I think it defines the whole decade. I don't mind Friends. 101 00:06:04,440 --> 00:06:07,600 We could sit like this, like they sit. 102 00:06:07,640 --> 00:06:11,080 Like this and then like this. Lean in, James. 103 00:06:11,120 --> 00:06:14,080 {\an1}SHE SINGS FRIENDS THEME 104 00:06:14,120 --> 00:06:15,360 105 00:06:15,400 --> 00:06:16,640 Yes! 106 00:06:16,680 --> 00:06:18,400 Solid. 107 00:06:18,440 --> 00:06:21,000 They're all quite shit, the prizes, aren't they? 108 00:06:22,720 --> 00:06:24,400 Very. Yeah. It's a weak round. 109 00:06:24,440 --> 00:06:27,440 Very much so, but at least some people are going to get 110 00:06:27,480 --> 00:06:29,680 points because they chose the right decade. 111 00:06:30,720 --> 00:06:32,520 OK, let's get this over with. You ready? 112 00:06:32,560 --> 00:06:34,880 Zero points to Jessica Knappet. 113 00:06:34,920 --> 00:06:37,680 He brought in a picture of you from the Year 2000! 114 00:06:37,720 --> 00:06:42,280 I brought in the Spice Girls. I haven't come to him yet. OK. 115 00:06:42,320 --> 00:06:46,400 One point to Phil Wang, just because I would quite like to take 116 00:06:46,440 --> 00:06:48,280 him home, but that's a private thing. 117 00:06:50,440 --> 00:06:54,080 I'm going to give five points to the only person who brought 118 00:06:54,120 --> 00:06:56,680 an actual decent prize in, and that's Kerry. 119 00:06:56,720 --> 00:06:58,760 Who doesn't like a boxset of Friends? 120 00:06:58,800 --> 00:07:01,320 Well done, Kerry. Well done, really happy for you. 121 00:07:03,600 --> 00:07:04,720 Well done, mate. 122 00:07:04,760 --> 00:07:07,440 I found James's genuinely touching. Four points. 123 00:07:07,480 --> 00:07:09,320 Second place to James Acaster. 124 00:07:12,080 --> 00:07:15,160 And then there's Rhod, who did show a picture of the Spice Girls 125 00:07:15,200 --> 00:07:19,320 but, unfortunately, tainted it by adding a picture of me from 2010. 126 00:07:19,360 --> 00:07:21,960 Therefore, neither image was from the 1990s. 127 00:07:22,000 --> 00:07:23,640 Nil points! 128 00:07:25,440 --> 00:07:27,680 I think Phil's been unlucky though. Why has Phil got..? 129 00:07:27,720 --> 00:07:30,760 I mean, I agree, but five, four, one, zero, zero? 130 00:07:30,800 --> 00:07:33,080 Yeah, actually. All right. 131 00:07:33,120 --> 00:07:36,440 I'll bump you up from one point to three points. 132 00:07:36,480 --> 00:07:39,920 If you can genuinely swear to me on the lives of all those dear to you, 133 00:07:39,960 --> 00:07:43,680 that whoever wins the prize category can keep you in their house. 134 00:07:45,960 --> 00:07:48,480 I knew what I was signing up for. 135 00:07:48,520 --> 00:07:49,640 Three points to Phil Wang. 136 00:07:53,360 --> 00:07:56,680 Good, so let's crack on. Can we have an actual, proper task, please? 137 00:07:56,720 --> 00:07:58,680 OK, first task, here we go. 138 00:08:12,640 --> 00:08:14,400 This looks like a scene from Saw. 139 00:08:14,440 --> 00:08:16,520 Oh, my goodness. 140 00:08:16,560 --> 00:08:19,200 You're having your blood pressure monitored. Yes. 141 00:08:21,000 --> 00:08:24,240 I have no medical skills. Good. 142 00:08:24,280 --> 00:08:28,960 Oh, my God. Excite Alex. 143 00:08:31,800 --> 00:08:33,160 Oh, God. 144 00:08:33,200 --> 00:08:37,080 Greatest increase from Alex's current heart-rate wins. 145 00:08:37,120 --> 00:08:40,120 You have 20 minutes. Your time starts now. 146 00:08:43,880 --> 00:08:45,480 This is going to be fun, isn't it? 147 00:08:46,840 --> 00:08:48,120 Your time starts now. 148 00:08:48,160 --> 00:08:51,040 OK. I'm just going to... Just going to think about this for a minute. 149 00:08:51,080 --> 00:08:52,680 Just quietly, alone, OK? 150 00:08:54,000 --> 00:08:55,800 So, I'm going to just... 151 00:09:04,000 --> 00:09:06,240 Is this task...? Has it been phrased 152 00:09:06,280 --> 00:09:09,080 in a deliberately provocatively saucy way? 153 00:09:09,120 --> 00:09:10,160 Don't know. 154 00:09:10,200 --> 00:09:14,360 Whatever you were hoping to get out of it, Rhod delivered early doors. 155 00:09:14,400 --> 00:09:15,560 We're measuring my pulse, 156 00:09:15,600 --> 00:09:17,760 so it's the bottom number on that machine. Right. 157 00:09:17,800 --> 00:09:19,920 It takes 30 seconds to read it. Yeah. 158 00:09:19,960 --> 00:09:23,320 And my starting rate was somewhere between 60 and 70 for all of them. 159 00:09:23,360 --> 00:09:27,440 We're going to start with the two young dudes, Phil and James. 160 00:09:29,120 --> 00:09:30,800 Come with me. Where are we going? 161 00:09:30,840 --> 00:09:33,480 Well, if I told you it wouldn't be exciting, would it? 162 00:09:35,280 --> 00:09:38,960 So, this is coffee. Black coffee. With four cubes of sugar. 163 00:09:39,000 --> 00:09:41,640 It felt like five. Five cubes of sugar. 164 00:09:41,680 --> 00:09:44,080 Would you drink this, please, if you will, Alex? 165 00:09:48,120 --> 00:09:51,200 Where are we going, James? Just shout out "Alex Horne". 166 00:09:51,240 --> 00:09:53,240 Alex Horne! Shout at these guys. 167 00:09:53,280 --> 00:09:56,040 Alex Horne! Come on, baby. 168 00:09:56,080 --> 00:09:58,840 63, still. Right. 169 00:10:00,480 --> 00:10:02,080 {\an1}HE GRUNTS WITH EFFORT 170 00:10:04,320 --> 00:10:05,960 {\an1}GRUNTING 171 00:10:06,000 --> 00:10:10,040 Hmm. I actually don't think I'm going to be able to excite you, 172 00:10:10,080 --> 00:10:12,120 it's quite difficult... Wha ha! Banana! 173 00:10:15,920 --> 00:10:17,640 Still 63, James. OK. 174 00:10:19,120 --> 00:10:21,880 {\an1}CLATTERING 175 00:10:23,040 --> 00:10:25,280 67. Where we started. 176 00:10:29,440 --> 00:10:31,480 You're it! You're it. 177 00:10:31,520 --> 00:10:33,800 Oh, he's so quick! 178 00:10:33,840 --> 00:10:37,040 Alex! LAUGHS 179 00:10:37,080 --> 00:10:41,040 You got me! Come here, Alex! I'm going to get you! 180 00:10:42,760 --> 00:10:46,520 Oh, that was close. Oh, that was a near miss! 181 00:10:46,560 --> 00:10:47,880 His hat fell off. 182 00:10:50,360 --> 00:10:52,240 OK, so that was 61. 61. 183 00:10:52,280 --> 00:10:56,480 What was the compilation called? Near Misses. 184 00:10:56,520 --> 00:10:59,760 Yeah, they missed every time, didn't they? They missed every time. 185 00:10:59,800 --> 00:11:03,360 151. That's good, isn't it? 186 00:11:03,400 --> 00:11:05,560 151. 187 00:11:05,600 --> 00:11:07,080 {\an1}APPLAUSE 188 00:11:09,440 --> 00:11:12,080 How quickly was it between pouring him a cup of coffee that you 189 00:11:12,120 --> 00:11:17,280 went for the time-served technique of hitting a pan with a hammer? 190 00:11:17,320 --> 00:11:19,200 {\an1}LAUGHTER 191 00:11:19,240 --> 00:11:20,560 To be fair to me, 192 00:11:20,600 --> 00:11:23,120 I did try nearly kicking him in the face for about five minutes. 193 00:11:23,160 --> 00:11:24,600 Yeah, yeah. I saw the karate stuff. 194 00:11:24,640 --> 00:11:27,680 But I can't comment on that, cos all I can see is your genitalia! 195 00:11:27,720 --> 00:11:30,560 {\an1}LAUGHTER 196 00:11:30,600 --> 00:11:32,960 A lot of what you did was relaxing. You gave me a hot drink... 197 00:11:33,000 --> 00:11:34,960 That's what you do to relax, isn't it? 198 00:11:35,000 --> 00:11:37,960 Yeah. At one point, he reclined my chair. That was nice. 199 00:11:38,000 --> 00:11:40,880 And then he showed me these clips of a Russian dashcam. 200 00:11:40,920 --> 00:11:44,200 But it said Near Misses, so I knew every time...everyone was OK. 201 00:11:44,240 --> 00:11:47,240 So, how quickly into the video did you realise that no-one 202 00:11:47,280 --> 00:11:49,440 was going to get hurt? Oh, immediately. Immediately. 203 00:11:49,480 --> 00:11:51,520 It was the most relaxing video I've ever seen. 204 00:11:51,560 --> 00:11:53,760 My heart rate dropped by six in the... 205 00:11:53,800 --> 00:11:55,520 LAUGHTER ..in the time. 206 00:11:55,560 --> 00:11:59,080 James, what was your thinking about getting Alex to shout his own 207 00:11:59,120 --> 00:12:03,480 name at passing traffic? I thought about what would excite me in life. 208 00:12:03,520 --> 00:12:08,400 Mmm. And I would be excited to wave at cars and shout "James Acaster". 209 00:12:08,440 --> 00:12:09,720 You would? 210 00:12:09,760 --> 00:12:13,360 What I discovered pretty quickly, if you are trying to excite Alex, 211 00:12:13,400 --> 00:12:15,600 best not go down the route of emotions. 212 00:12:15,640 --> 00:12:17,240 {\an1}LAUGHTER 213 00:12:17,280 --> 00:12:19,680 And it was better to play tig with him in the garden and just 214 00:12:19,720 --> 00:12:22,520 get his heart rate up so that he was chasing me. 215 00:12:22,560 --> 00:12:25,320 He's right! It's something I've never realised about you, 216 00:12:25,360 --> 00:12:28,240 you're a cold fish. Yeah. Very efficient! 217 00:12:28,280 --> 00:12:30,280 {\an1}LAUGHTER 218 00:12:30,320 --> 00:12:31,760 Well, we're glad that's over! 219 00:12:31,800 --> 00:12:34,920 See you in part two for excited Horne action! 220 00:12:34,960 --> 00:12:36,360 {\an1}APPLAUSE 221 00:12:44,040 --> 00:12:47,240 Hello! Welcome back to Taskmaster. Nice to see you all. 222 00:12:47,280 --> 00:12:51,080 Alex, are you looking forward to this part of the show? Yes, I am. 223 00:12:51,120 --> 00:12:54,120 I am excited because the current task is to excite Alex Horne. 224 00:12:54,160 --> 00:12:55,680 And I am Alex Horne. 225 00:12:55,720 --> 00:12:58,640 Next up, from the Valleys, weighing in around 140 lbs, 226 00:12:58,680 --> 00:13:00,200 it's Rhod Gilbert. 227 00:13:03,760 --> 00:13:07,520 Different idea. Do you want this off as well? Yes, please. 228 00:13:07,560 --> 00:13:10,720 I'm just worried that they're all coming down. Yeah. 229 00:13:10,760 --> 00:13:13,480 I'm going to excite you. Right. 230 00:13:13,520 --> 00:13:15,320 It's quite tight, Rhod. 231 00:13:15,360 --> 00:13:19,200 Well, there's no point doing it loose, is there? So, coffee. 232 00:13:19,240 --> 00:13:22,160 Guaranteed to get your heart rate up. I'm going to go in this angle. 233 00:13:22,200 --> 00:13:24,760 OK. Are you ready? Yeah. 234 00:13:24,800 --> 00:13:26,800 How are you getting on? 235 00:13:30,000 --> 00:13:33,840 Oh! I'm sorry. That's not bad. It's not going in my mouth. No. OK. 236 00:13:33,880 --> 00:13:35,280 It's in. OK. 237 00:13:38,240 --> 00:13:40,640 Yes, I've got a good line of sight now. 238 00:13:40,680 --> 00:13:42,760 I'm going to go for a big hit now. I'm ready. 239 00:13:50,920 --> 00:13:52,640 {\an1}THEY GIGGLE 240 00:13:52,680 --> 00:13:55,720 I just wanted to finish the pot, I don't like waste. How are we doing? 241 00:13:55,760 --> 00:13:59,920 We're going to get the final reading now. Get the final reading. 78. 242 00:13:59,960 --> 00:14:01,640 Is that your final reading? 243 00:14:01,680 --> 00:14:04,160 I think we've learned a lot more about you than we have about 244 00:14:04,200 --> 00:14:06,720 me, here. I've learnt a bit about you! 245 00:14:06,760 --> 00:14:09,160 {\an1}HE LAUGHS 246 00:14:10,800 --> 00:14:12,600 {\an1}APPLAUSE 247 00:14:12,640 --> 00:14:14,760 Jesus Christ, what's wrong?! I... 248 00:14:14,800 --> 00:14:16,920 With these tasks, you just panic! 249 00:14:16,960 --> 00:14:18,800 You just panic, it's blind panic. 250 00:14:18,840 --> 00:14:20,400 It didn't look like blind panic, 251 00:14:20,440 --> 00:14:22,440 it looked like fairly structured torture! 252 00:14:22,480 --> 00:14:24,120 {\an1}LAUGHTER 253 00:14:24,160 --> 00:14:29,600 I'm sorry! Well, did it raise your heart rate? By 11, yeah. Only by 11? 254 00:14:29,640 --> 00:14:31,480 I'll tell you, it wasn't hot, it was lukewarm. 255 00:14:31,520 --> 00:14:35,320 And it was coffee and hot chocolate, so it was basically a mocha. OK. 256 00:14:35,360 --> 00:14:37,440 And I do like mochas. 257 00:14:37,480 --> 00:14:39,560 Last to try to excite me are the two ladies, 258 00:14:39,600 --> 00:14:41,520 Jessica Knappett and Kerry Godliman. 259 00:14:41,560 --> 00:14:42,840 What do you find exciting? 260 00:14:42,880 --> 00:14:44,880 It was quite exciting when my children were born. 261 00:14:44,920 --> 00:14:47,480 Have you got video footage? Your wife might not want that. 262 00:14:47,520 --> 00:14:50,920 No, we didn't film that one. You're in a shark cage... 263 00:14:50,960 --> 00:14:53,680 You've been lowered into the water. 264 00:14:53,720 --> 00:14:57,600 When you open your eyes, you're going to see a shark. 265 00:14:57,640 --> 00:14:59,120 Oh, no! 266 00:14:59,160 --> 00:15:02,000 The cage has broken! Oh. 267 00:15:03,520 --> 00:15:08,120 But you're... The shark's coming into the cage, and it's eating you! 268 00:15:09,360 --> 00:15:11,680 I could re-enact childbirth. 269 00:15:11,720 --> 00:15:15,760 Not in a gynae way, but in a sort of...we could role play. 270 00:15:15,800 --> 00:15:17,040 66. 271 00:15:17,080 --> 00:15:20,800 It's gone up by six! Oh, we could get out of the chair. 272 00:15:20,840 --> 00:15:24,080 Out, in. Up. 273 00:15:24,120 --> 00:15:27,720 Does it feel secure? Yes. 274 00:15:27,760 --> 00:15:30,360 Keep going! Keep going. Keep going! 275 00:15:31,520 --> 00:15:32,840 Ah! 276 00:15:34,880 --> 00:15:36,880 Oh, I hit the post. 277 00:15:36,920 --> 00:15:39,240 Are you excited? Tired. 278 00:15:41,440 --> 00:15:42,480 Keep going! 279 00:15:42,520 --> 00:15:46,200 101! 101. Let's go! 101. 280 00:15:46,240 --> 00:15:50,920 Ah, that's exciting! Just give me, give me 100 burpees. 100? 281 00:15:52,600 --> 00:15:55,800 I... Oh, no! Really high. 282 00:15:58,400 --> 00:15:59,720 115! 283 00:15:59,760 --> 00:16:02,400 157. Yeah. 284 00:16:02,440 --> 00:16:06,880 Are you OK? Well, no. Look. You nearly tripled my heart rate. 285 00:16:06,920 --> 00:16:09,600 I think you need to go to hospital! 286 00:16:09,640 --> 00:16:12,480 Why did that make you dribble when you said "Hospital"? 287 00:16:12,520 --> 00:16:14,680 Tackle me! Oh, that's good. 288 00:16:16,280 --> 00:16:19,840 I scored! That was exciting, wasn't it? 289 00:16:19,880 --> 00:16:21,760 {\an1}APPLAUSE 290 00:16:21,800 --> 00:16:25,040 I do want to make sure it's on record than when Kerry 291 00:16:25,080 --> 00:16:27,800 offered to re-enact childbirth for Alex, 292 00:16:27,840 --> 00:16:30,880 she followed the offer with "Not in a gynae way." 293 00:16:32,640 --> 00:16:34,440 Just to be clear! 294 00:16:34,480 --> 00:16:38,640 There's a very iconic scene in the film Kes where the PE teacher plays 295 00:16:38,680 --> 00:16:40,280 football with the kids, but really, 296 00:16:40,320 --> 00:16:43,360 he was wanting to show off his own skills. Well... 297 00:16:43,400 --> 00:16:45,240 OK, I see what you're saying. 298 00:16:45,280 --> 00:16:47,880 I see what you're saying, but football really excites him, 299 00:16:47,920 --> 00:16:49,560 so we played football to excite him. 300 00:16:49,600 --> 00:16:51,480 No, listen, I know that was the starting point. 301 00:16:51,520 --> 00:16:53,880 What I'm suggesting to you is you got carried away and you 302 00:16:53,920 --> 00:16:55,920 became goal hungry. 303 00:16:57,360 --> 00:16:59,760 There was a moment at the end where you went, "I've scored!" 304 00:16:59,800 --> 00:17:03,480 And I could see it in your eyes, it didn't matter who else was there! 305 00:17:03,520 --> 00:17:07,160 And that was the least scary description of a shark attack 306 00:17:07,200 --> 00:17:09,720 of all time. 307 00:17:09,760 --> 00:17:12,040 It was... The shark tank had broken! 308 00:17:12,080 --> 00:17:14,440 I think it was just your voice, Jess. 309 00:17:14,480 --> 00:17:17,920 I don't think you're capable of describing something scary. 310 00:17:17,960 --> 00:17:21,400 Of instilling fear? Yeah. You wanna bet? Yep! 311 00:17:23,160 --> 00:17:25,160 And yet, once you started doing burpees, 312 00:17:25,200 --> 00:17:29,480 there was a sort of twisted sense of pleasure came across your face. 313 00:17:29,520 --> 00:17:32,160 Well, it was a role reversal, wasn't it? It was very pleasing. 314 00:17:32,200 --> 00:17:33,920 Give us some statistics, then. 315 00:17:33,960 --> 00:17:37,880 Well, Phil took me down, as we know, so he's in last place. 316 00:17:37,920 --> 00:17:41,120 Rhod took me up by 11, so he's in second last. 317 00:17:41,160 --> 00:17:44,720 My heart rate went up by 43 thanks to Kerry Godliman. 318 00:17:44,760 --> 00:17:47,640 In second place, it's James, who took me up by 80. 319 00:17:47,680 --> 00:17:51,560 But Jessica took my heart rate up by 97, so wins five points! 320 00:17:51,600 --> 00:17:53,680 {\an1}APPLAUSE 321 00:17:53,720 --> 00:17:54,880 Yes! I'm happy now. 322 00:17:54,920 --> 00:17:58,160 But it feels like we should have a scoreboard update, right? Yes. Yes. 323 00:17:58,200 --> 00:18:01,440 It does. After two tasks, Rhod Gilbert has two points. 324 00:18:01,480 --> 00:18:04,760 But there are two leaders, James and Kerry, both on eight points! 325 00:18:04,800 --> 00:18:07,560 {\an1}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 326 00:18:07,600 --> 00:18:11,000 Which task is up next? OK, have a look at this. Ready? Oooh! 327 00:18:25,160 --> 00:18:27,080 Ah! Hello. 328 00:18:27,120 --> 00:18:30,640 What's this? What do you think it is? Hello! Hello. 329 00:18:30,680 --> 00:18:32,400 Task, isn't it? Yep. 330 00:18:32,440 --> 00:18:34,720 Hello, James. Yeah. 331 00:18:34,760 --> 00:18:37,360 "Make the best noise." 332 00:18:37,400 --> 00:18:39,320 "When you are ready to make your noise, 333 00:18:39,360 --> 00:18:41,680 "you must say "This is my best noise"." 334 00:18:41,720 --> 00:18:44,400 "After you have made your noise you must remain still and silent 335 00:18:44,440 --> 00:18:46,200 "for at least ten seconds." 336 00:18:46,240 --> 00:18:50,520 "You have 20 minutes, one attempt. Your time starts now." 337 00:18:54,400 --> 00:18:56,240 {\an1}DISTANT SHOUT 338 00:18:56,280 --> 00:18:58,560 That wasn't me. LAUGHTER 339 00:18:58,600 --> 00:19:01,760 Right. What noises do people like? 340 00:19:01,800 --> 00:19:03,400 {\an1}APPLAUSE 341 00:19:05,440 --> 00:19:08,920 Best noise, eh? Best noise. Good. What noises do you like? 342 00:19:08,960 --> 00:19:11,280 The rustling of... Do you like this? 343 00:19:11,320 --> 00:19:14,760 WHOOOOOO! LAUGHTER 344 00:19:16,720 --> 00:19:19,480 Who's up first? We're going to start with the outlaw, Jessie James! 345 00:19:19,520 --> 00:19:21,320 Jess and James, Jess and James. 346 00:19:30,280 --> 00:19:33,240 Whooo whoooo whooooo! 347 00:19:35,520 --> 00:19:38,680 I found some stuff. SHE GIGGLES 348 00:19:39,720 --> 00:19:42,280 I'm just going to do a little practice. 349 00:19:44,080 --> 00:19:47,880 No noise at all, that. What if I filled this with water... 350 00:19:47,920 --> 00:19:51,840 And then hit it really hard with something? 351 00:19:51,880 --> 00:19:56,200 Whaaaarrr! How am I going to make this happen all at the same time? 352 00:19:58,920 --> 00:20:02,480 Why don't you talk to me at the beginning of the tasks? What? 353 00:20:02,520 --> 00:20:05,360 I always say, "Hello, James." Yeah. You never say hello back. 354 00:20:05,400 --> 00:20:07,720 It's not in the task, is it? 355 00:20:07,760 --> 00:20:09,200 {\an1}LAUGHTER 356 00:20:09,240 --> 00:20:12,080 The task isn't, "Say hello to Alex." 357 00:20:12,120 --> 00:20:14,800 AUDIENCE: Aw! Be nice, though. 358 00:20:16,000 --> 00:20:17,720 This is my best noise! 359 00:20:19,760 --> 00:20:22,640 Whoooo ooooh ooooh! 360 00:20:22,680 --> 00:20:24,360 Whoooo ooooh! Booooh! 361 00:20:28,200 --> 00:20:32,040 Whoooo ooooh oh! 362 00:20:32,080 --> 00:20:34,120 Whooooooooh! 363 00:20:35,720 --> 00:20:40,680 Hhhheeew! Hhhheeew! Hhhheeew! Hhhheeew! Hhhheeew! Hhhheeew! 364 00:20:40,720 --> 00:20:42,560 {\an1}DINGS BELL 365 00:20:43,880 --> 00:20:46,720 OK. Let's just do it now. 366 00:20:46,760 --> 00:20:49,800 This is the best noise! 367 00:20:49,840 --> 00:20:51,920 {\an1}DULL CLUNK 368 00:20:51,960 --> 00:20:54,280 {\an1}LAUGHTER 369 00:20:54,320 --> 00:20:56,000 {\an1}APPLAUSE 370 00:20:57,560 --> 00:20:59,720 Two quick questions. Why were you wearing a hat? 371 00:20:59,760 --> 00:21:02,480 Why were you on a bike? LAUGHTER 372 00:21:05,000 --> 00:21:08,240 Erm, the answer to that is, I don't know, and I don't fucking know. 373 00:21:09,960 --> 00:21:13,760 One could argue that was a series of noises, could one not? 374 00:21:13,800 --> 00:21:18,320 Yeah, it was an elongated noise. It had components. 375 00:21:18,360 --> 00:21:23,520 And they were connected by...? The same person doing them. Oh. 376 00:21:23,560 --> 00:21:26,360 Oh, yeah. I'm the fool(!) 377 00:21:26,400 --> 00:21:30,880 James. Dear, dear, dear God! Awful. 378 00:21:30,920 --> 00:21:34,720 In my head, that was going to sound so incredible. 379 00:21:34,760 --> 00:21:38,200 I thought, this is going to be that satisfying squelchy boing on 380 00:21:38,240 --> 00:21:40,840 the galoshes, the ding of a bell... Ding of the bell! 381 00:21:40,880 --> 00:21:42,880 The resonance of the acoustic guitar. 382 00:21:42,920 --> 00:21:45,840 And it just sounded like... I may as well have stamped on the floor! 383 00:21:45,880 --> 00:21:47,640 Yeah. 384 00:21:47,680 --> 00:21:49,960 OK, time for a commercial break. See ya. 385 00:21:59,000 --> 00:22:01,160 Hello! It's Taskmaster part three, 386 00:22:01,200 --> 00:22:04,240 and everyone is playing for the chance to win Phil Wang. 387 00:22:04,280 --> 00:22:09,000 Including Phil Wang. What did we hear before the break, Alex? 388 00:22:09,040 --> 00:22:10,920 We heard some lovely noises, Greg. 389 00:22:10,960 --> 00:22:14,760 We're going to see Rhod next. You don't need to! 390 00:22:14,800 --> 00:22:17,440 Did Rhod have the same idea as Jess? 391 00:22:17,480 --> 00:22:19,280 We don't need to see all of them, Alex. 392 00:22:19,320 --> 00:22:21,560 Come on, let's see what the bell-end's done. 393 00:22:21,600 --> 00:22:23,480 {\an1}LAUGHTER 394 00:22:24,560 --> 00:22:26,120 I need some things, Alex. 395 00:22:26,160 --> 00:22:32,720 I need a very tall ladder and a picture of Greg, the Taskmaster. 396 00:22:37,920 --> 00:22:39,640 {\an1}LAUGHTER 397 00:22:47,680 --> 00:22:52,040 CLEARS THROAT This is my best noise. 398 00:22:54,680 --> 00:22:56,760 {\an1}DULL THUD 399 00:22:58,480 --> 00:23:01,080 {\an1}LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 400 00:23:05,400 --> 00:23:07,160 Good girl! 401 00:23:07,200 --> 00:23:09,440 LAUGHTER 402 00:23:18,280 --> 00:23:21,360 You know I give the points out on this show, don't you? 403 00:23:21,400 --> 00:23:24,440 It was to make the best noise you can, and your instant reaction was, 404 00:23:24,480 --> 00:23:27,600 "Great, this is an opportunity for me to drop dog shit 405 00:23:27,640 --> 00:23:31,240 "onto the face of a friend I've had for 15 years." 406 00:23:31,280 --> 00:23:33,480 This is how it ends. 407 00:23:33,520 --> 00:23:36,680 I didn't even panic! LAUGHTER 408 00:23:39,360 --> 00:23:43,080 Well, you're a very rude prick! Alex, who's next? 409 00:23:43,120 --> 00:23:47,080 Last up, from Location, Location, Location, Kirstie and Phil! 410 00:23:47,120 --> 00:23:50,080 Kerry and Phil! Yes, here we go. 411 00:23:54,240 --> 00:23:58,000 OK, then. This is my best noise. 412 00:23:59,960 --> 00:24:02,000 {\an1}LAPS TONGUE WETLY 413 00:24:09,280 --> 00:24:11,640 I'm going to do the best noise from my mouth. 414 00:24:11,680 --> 00:24:13,840 BLOWS RASPBERRY Those are pleasing, aren't they? 415 00:24:13,880 --> 00:24:16,520 Fart noises always bring a bit of pleasure. 416 00:24:16,560 --> 00:24:18,880 {\an1}BLOWS RASPBERRY 417 00:24:18,920 --> 00:24:20,680 {\an1}BLOWS RASPBERRY LOUDLY 418 00:24:24,480 --> 00:24:28,040 If I did an actual fart, would that be pushing it, too...? 419 00:24:28,080 --> 00:24:29,760 I don't know if I could control it. 420 00:24:31,840 --> 00:24:33,880 {\an1}LAPS TONGUE WETLY 421 00:24:42,400 --> 00:24:45,200 Right. This is my best noise. 422 00:24:50,960 --> 00:24:53,360 {\an1}DEFLATES ECHOINGLY 423 00:24:55,520 --> 00:24:57,720 {\an1}LAUGHTER 424 00:24:57,760 --> 00:24:59,560 {\an1}APPLAUSE 425 00:25:00,800 --> 00:25:02,560 I'm going to win this! 426 00:25:04,040 --> 00:25:07,360 Ah, you're definitely not! LAUGHTER 427 00:25:07,400 --> 00:25:11,080 Fart noise is a classic, but I very much enjoyed your presentation. 428 00:25:11,120 --> 00:25:13,520 Thank you. It's all in the presentation. 429 00:25:13,560 --> 00:25:16,560 Phil. I mean, Jesus Christ. 430 00:25:16,600 --> 00:25:20,400 I'm sorry I didn't shit on your face, Greg! 431 00:25:20,440 --> 00:25:23,400 I don't think that's the first time you've made that noise. 432 00:25:23,440 --> 00:25:27,120 I make that noise every day. It's how I wake up. 433 00:25:27,160 --> 00:25:30,000 So I'm sleeping... OK, so you're fully asleep now. 434 00:25:30,040 --> 00:25:33,240 Oh, the sun's coming through the curtains now. 435 00:25:33,280 --> 00:25:35,160 {\an1}LAPS TONGUE 436 00:25:36,720 --> 00:25:38,120 {\an1}LAPS TONGUE 437 00:25:38,160 --> 00:25:40,120 Aahhhh! 438 00:25:40,160 --> 00:25:42,160 {\an1}LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 439 00:25:42,200 --> 00:25:44,040 Do you want to hear the noises in isolation? 440 00:25:44,080 --> 00:25:46,080 I do, cos then I can judge which is the best noise. 441 00:25:46,120 --> 00:25:48,040 OK, here's the first noise. 442 00:25:48,080 --> 00:25:50,160 {\an1}DULL CLUNK 443 00:25:50,200 --> 00:25:52,160 Second noise. 444 00:25:52,200 --> 00:25:54,520 {\an1}ECHOING DEFLATION 445 00:25:54,560 --> 00:25:56,000 Third noise. 446 00:25:56,040 --> 00:25:58,320 Whooooo ooooh ooooh! 447 00:25:58,360 --> 00:26:02,880 BELL DINGS Oooooh! Hhheeew! 448 00:26:04,520 --> 00:26:06,360 Fourth noise, Greg. 449 00:26:06,400 --> 00:26:08,240 {\an1}DULL THUD 450 00:26:08,280 --> 00:26:09,760 And the final noise. 451 00:26:11,000 --> 00:26:14,000 {\an1}TONGUE LAPPING 452 00:26:14,040 --> 00:26:17,280 There they all are, the five best noises in the world. 453 00:26:19,040 --> 00:26:22,920 My least favourite noise... No, no, no, no. Come on. 454 00:26:22,960 --> 00:26:24,360 No, no, no. 455 00:26:24,400 --> 00:26:26,480 My least favourite noise was the sound of dog shit 456 00:26:26,520 --> 00:26:28,720 being dropped onto my face. 457 00:26:28,760 --> 00:26:31,800 I'm sorry, one point. One point to Rhod. Come on! Yeah. 458 00:26:31,840 --> 00:26:34,960 And James Acaster, you thank your lucky stars, young man, 459 00:26:35,000 --> 00:26:38,840 that you didn't drop poo on my face. You have two points. Yes. 460 00:26:38,880 --> 00:26:41,600 It's a tight-run thing, but it's Kerry with three points. 461 00:26:41,640 --> 00:26:43,680 Third place. Correct. Second place? 462 00:26:43,720 --> 00:26:47,360 I'm giving it to the person I'm genuinely worried about, Jessica. 463 00:26:47,400 --> 00:26:50,800 And therefore the winner, against all odds, is Phil Wang! 464 00:26:50,840 --> 00:26:55,200 Five points to Phil Wang! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 465 00:26:55,240 --> 00:26:57,760 We have time for another one, don't we? We do. 466 00:26:57,800 --> 00:27:02,120 It's a lovely little tournament I've labelled The Task Masters. 467 00:27:02,160 --> 00:27:03,640 Mmm! OK? 468 00:27:17,520 --> 00:27:20,960 Hiya! Hello, Jess. Hello. 469 00:27:21,000 --> 00:27:22,480 Hello, Rhod. Hiya. 470 00:27:22,520 --> 00:27:24,720 Hi, James. 471 00:27:24,760 --> 00:27:26,520 LAUGHTER 472 00:27:28,320 --> 00:27:29,440 {\an1}CLEARS THROAT 473 00:27:29,480 --> 00:27:32,320 "Get this ball in that hole..." 474 00:27:32,360 --> 00:27:34,800 "..In as few strokes as possible." 475 00:27:34,840 --> 00:27:36,920 "The ball must only be struck..." 476 00:27:36,960 --> 00:27:39,200 "The ball must never be carried." 477 00:27:39,240 --> 00:27:41,720 "You have a maximum of 20 minutes. Your time starts now." 478 00:27:41,760 --> 00:27:43,640 What hole? What hole? 479 00:27:43,680 --> 00:27:45,680 Where's the hole? 480 00:27:45,720 --> 00:27:49,760 Oh, that hole! LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 481 00:27:49,800 --> 00:27:52,360 But this is Taskmaster, of course, so they're not just going to 482 00:27:52,400 --> 00:27:54,800 whack the ball, they're going to think about it for a while. 483 00:27:54,840 --> 00:27:56,760 The time's not important, it's worth saying, 484 00:27:56,800 --> 00:27:59,400 it's the fewest possible shots. It's the fewest possible shots. 485 00:27:59,440 --> 00:28:02,280 They can take their time, set it up however they want. However you want. 486 00:28:02,320 --> 00:28:05,520 We're going to see James and Kerry first. OK? 487 00:28:05,560 --> 00:28:07,240 {\an1}TINKLING 488 00:28:09,760 --> 00:28:11,760 Not bad! 489 00:28:11,800 --> 00:28:14,080 TINKLING Oh, I broke it. Oh, no! 490 00:28:15,600 --> 00:28:17,360 Anyone under the caravan?! 491 00:28:17,400 --> 00:28:18,680 One shot. 492 00:28:20,920 --> 00:28:25,040 Ah, fuck you! It's a bit further away from the hole now, James. 493 00:28:25,080 --> 00:28:26,200 Yeah. 494 00:28:30,560 --> 00:28:32,680 Three! 495 00:28:35,520 --> 00:28:37,000 Four! 496 00:28:43,880 --> 00:28:45,360 {\an1}LAUGHTER 497 00:28:51,200 --> 00:28:52,560 {\an1}LAUGHTER 498 00:28:54,040 --> 00:28:55,880 Four. 499 00:28:58,320 --> 00:28:59,840 Five. 500 00:28:59,880 --> 00:29:01,560 Six. 501 00:29:04,040 --> 00:29:06,480 Seven. Croquet mallet, seven shots. 502 00:29:06,520 --> 00:29:10,200 Posh. Posh. Well, thank you. Very quick. Thanks. 503 00:29:15,800 --> 00:29:17,560 Aarghhhh! 504 00:29:22,160 --> 00:29:24,160 {\an1}APPLAUSE 505 00:29:27,600 --> 00:29:30,160 That's a side we've not seen of you before, blind rage. 506 00:29:30,200 --> 00:29:34,320 I was absolutely furious! Well, you broke a camera. Yeah, broke it. 507 00:29:34,360 --> 00:29:35,880 How do you feel about that? 508 00:29:35,920 --> 00:29:37,760 Pretty good, actually. Yeah? At the time. 509 00:29:37,800 --> 00:29:41,520 Kerry, when you completed the task, you said, "Bosh." Yes. 510 00:29:41,560 --> 00:29:44,640 And I'm increasingly thinking that's your approach to this whole game! 511 00:29:44,680 --> 00:29:46,880 Yes. "Get in, do the job, bosh!" 512 00:29:46,920 --> 00:29:49,680 They're very straightforward tasks. 513 00:29:49,720 --> 00:29:51,920 Get the ball in the hole, bang. 514 00:29:51,960 --> 00:29:54,920 Are you like that at home? Yes! Yeah? 515 00:29:54,960 --> 00:29:59,600 "What do you want, dinner, kids? Bosh! There it is. Beans. Eat." 516 00:29:59,640 --> 00:30:00,960 "Right, bed." 517 00:30:02,600 --> 00:30:07,200 Let's see some others. OK, do you want to see... Oh, I've made a joke. 518 00:30:07,240 --> 00:30:11,040 Do you want to see Nick Fildo and Jessica Tappit? They're golf jokes. 519 00:30:11,080 --> 00:30:12,560 Fucking hell... No? 520 00:30:17,240 --> 00:30:19,160 {\an1}SHE LAUGHS 521 00:30:19,200 --> 00:30:22,000 Have you struck it yet? No, I haven't struck it yet. 522 00:30:27,840 --> 00:30:29,960 That's all right, isn't it! One. 523 00:30:35,120 --> 00:30:36,640 Right, OK. 524 00:30:47,360 --> 00:30:49,000 Come on! 525 00:30:49,040 --> 00:30:51,400 Two shots. OK. 526 00:30:51,440 --> 00:30:53,120 Oh! 527 00:30:54,160 --> 00:30:57,320 Oh, why did I put the broom end there? Great! 528 00:30:57,360 --> 00:31:00,120 I don't know why I didn't just do this the whole way down! 529 00:31:02,080 --> 00:31:03,520 Oh, my God! 530 00:31:05,040 --> 00:31:08,200 You missed the...you missed the tunnel. 531 00:31:08,240 --> 00:31:09,960 Heeeee! 532 00:31:12,480 --> 00:31:14,120 Seven. OK. You're on the green. 533 00:31:14,160 --> 00:31:16,560 No, do you know what, this is fine now. 534 00:31:19,480 --> 00:31:20,880 Hey! 535 00:31:24,440 --> 00:31:26,040 Done. 536 00:31:26,080 --> 00:31:27,920 Eight. 537 00:31:30,440 --> 00:31:32,160 Oh, that is unfortunate! 538 00:31:33,200 --> 00:31:35,760 Nine. You're off the green. Oooh! 539 00:31:36,840 --> 00:31:38,960 Oh, God! 540 00:31:42,320 --> 00:31:44,680 Thank you! 541 00:31:44,720 --> 00:31:46,840 {\an1}APPLAUSE 542 00:31:49,800 --> 00:31:53,280 I put it to you, Jessica, once you started using construction 543 00:31:53,320 --> 00:31:57,360 techniques, those actively hampered you. 544 00:31:57,400 --> 00:32:02,800 Yeah, I complicated it. Phil's weren't a lot better. Oh, come on. 545 00:32:02,840 --> 00:32:05,840 They at least guided the ball towards the hole 546 00:32:05,880 --> 00:32:07,320 instead of blocked it. 547 00:32:07,360 --> 00:32:11,400 On one occasion, they guided the ball towards the end of a broom. 548 00:32:11,440 --> 00:32:13,400 Yeah. LAUGHTER 549 00:32:13,440 --> 00:32:15,320 You created your own barrier! Yeah. 550 00:32:15,360 --> 00:32:18,560 In retrospect, I should have turned the broom the other way around. 551 00:32:18,600 --> 00:32:21,600 It's the fourth and final part of the show next. 552 00:32:21,640 --> 00:32:25,280 Will Wang win, I wonder? Find out very soon. You see if we don't! 553 00:32:25,320 --> 00:32:27,000 {\an1}APPLAUSE 554 00:32:36,320 --> 00:32:39,760 Hi and welcome back to the last part of Taskmaster and The Task Masters. 555 00:32:39,800 --> 00:32:43,240 Yes, Greg, they're trying to get a ball into a hole. 556 00:32:43,280 --> 00:32:46,200 It's a little bit like golf, but it's definitely not golf. 557 00:32:47,360 --> 00:32:50,920 One man left to see. He's flying solo again. It's Rhod Gilbert again. 558 00:32:50,960 --> 00:32:52,280 Here we go. 559 00:32:52,320 --> 00:32:54,320 Just got to investigate the hole. 560 00:32:54,360 --> 00:32:57,040 It doesn't say anything about me walking on here. 561 00:32:57,080 --> 00:32:59,800 It doesn't say anything about me moving the hole. 562 00:33:01,360 --> 00:33:06,360 So, technically, that hole is movable. 563 00:33:14,880 --> 00:33:17,080 Oh, my God! 564 00:33:17,120 --> 00:33:21,360 I mean this, people say my ADHD makes me shit at problem-solving. 565 00:33:21,400 --> 00:33:23,360 No, sir. 566 00:33:23,400 --> 00:33:26,360 Oh, God, look at that. It's a better hole than the original hole! 567 00:33:30,680 --> 00:33:32,960 Have you got all the hole? Not quite. 568 00:33:33,000 --> 00:33:34,840 I'm certainly going to get all the hole. 569 00:33:34,880 --> 00:33:38,360 You're getting the whole hole? That's the whole hole! 570 00:33:38,400 --> 00:33:41,360 Is that not the hole in the middle of that hole? No. What's that hole? 571 00:33:41,400 --> 00:33:42,920 It's a different one. 572 00:33:44,480 --> 00:33:46,280 OK. OK? 573 00:33:48,920 --> 00:33:51,600 Oh, dragging a hole is a lot harder than it looks! 574 00:33:55,360 --> 00:33:58,200 Oh, there it is. There it is. 575 00:34:10,680 --> 00:34:12,280 Good luck. 576 00:34:16,120 --> 00:34:18,160 {\an1}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 577 00:34:18,200 --> 00:34:21,720 That is what you call a hole-in-one. 578 00:34:23,280 --> 00:34:24,600 {\an1}APPLAUSE 579 00:34:25,840 --> 00:34:29,760 That was, loath as I am to admit it, fairly impressive. 580 00:34:29,800 --> 00:34:33,240 Thank you very much. It's not like I need the points! 581 00:34:33,280 --> 00:34:35,280 Oh, Jesus, you do, yeah. 582 00:34:35,320 --> 00:34:37,760 It was nice to see something different than just whacking it, 583 00:34:37,800 --> 00:34:41,960 wasn't it? Tell us how they all did, because it's a strikes-based system. 584 00:34:42,000 --> 00:34:45,280 Jess took most strikes so gets the fewest points. One. Yeah. Thank you. 585 00:34:45,320 --> 00:34:48,200 OK. 586 00:34:48,240 --> 00:34:52,040 Kerry, seven strokes, two points. James, six strokes, three points. 587 00:34:52,080 --> 00:34:54,880 Bosh. Phil, five strokes, four points. 588 00:34:54,920 --> 00:34:57,800 Rhod, one stroke. 589 00:34:57,840 --> 00:35:01,240 It's too impressive not to give him full marks. Five points for Rhod. 590 00:35:01,280 --> 00:35:03,560 That's the end of it. 591 00:35:03,600 --> 00:35:05,600 {\an1}APPLAUSE 592 00:35:05,640 --> 00:35:08,400 Can we quickly see the scoreboard before the final task, please? 593 00:35:08,440 --> 00:35:11,120 Joint leaders all on 13 points, 594 00:35:11,160 --> 00:35:13,360 James, Kerry and Phil. 595 00:35:13,400 --> 00:35:16,000 {\an1}APPLAUSE 596 00:35:18,240 --> 00:35:20,800 OK, up you go to the stage for the final task of the show! 597 00:35:20,840 --> 00:35:22,400 {\an1}APPLAUSE 598 00:35:29,840 --> 00:35:31,400 Alex, who will read the task out? 599 00:35:31,440 --> 00:35:34,280 Rhod will read the first part of the task out. 600 00:35:34,320 --> 00:35:36,240 AUDIENCE: Oooh! 601 00:35:36,280 --> 00:35:41,000 Bloody hell! "Write down a ten-word fact. You have 100 seconds. 602 00:35:41,040 --> 00:35:43,480 "There is a bonus point for the best fact." 603 00:35:43,520 --> 00:35:45,440 That's the first part of the task. 604 00:35:45,480 --> 00:35:49,440 {\an1}You've got 100 seconds. Starting... WHISTLE BLOWS 605 00:35:49,480 --> 00:35:53,680 I don't know if you can cheer on people writing facts. 606 00:35:53,720 --> 00:35:56,480 {\an1}AUDIENCE SHOUT ENCOURAGEMENT 607 00:35:56,520 --> 00:35:59,280 Get in there! Do all ten words! 608 00:36:13,560 --> 00:36:18,240 WHISTLE BLOWS OK, they've written their facts. 609 00:36:18,280 --> 00:36:21,240 {\an1}You are a very generous audience! 610 00:36:21,280 --> 00:36:23,760 So, here we go. Oh. 611 00:36:23,800 --> 00:36:25,600 The second half of the task, 612 00:36:25,640 --> 00:36:30,800 mouth your fact to the Taskmaster without making any noise whatsoever. 613 00:36:30,840 --> 00:36:33,800 Most words understood by the Taskmaster wins. 614 00:36:35,040 --> 00:36:37,480 OK, we're going to start with Kerry Godliman. 615 00:36:39,960 --> 00:36:41,800 OK. 616 00:36:42,840 --> 00:36:45,080 Oh, keep it down! LAUGHTER 617 00:36:45,120 --> 00:36:47,240 Getting it loud and clear over here! 618 00:36:47,280 --> 00:36:49,000 This is sabotage. 619 00:36:58,520 --> 00:37:00,280 {\an1}LAUGHTER 620 00:37:01,520 --> 00:37:04,120 Ready? OK, what is Kerry's fact? Greg? 621 00:37:04,160 --> 00:37:07,160 I was born in Perivale in London, UK, Europe, Earth. 622 00:37:08,280 --> 00:37:11,720 I was born in Perivale, Ealing, London, UK, Europe, Earth. 623 00:37:11,760 --> 00:37:16,040 It's not bad, not bad. That was amazing! OK, you can sit down. 624 00:37:16,080 --> 00:37:18,400 You can sit down. 625 00:37:18,440 --> 00:37:21,840 James, please take your place on the spot. And mouth your fact. 626 00:37:42,680 --> 00:37:44,080 There we go. 627 00:37:44,120 --> 00:37:47,720 I didn't know I was going to have to mouth it when I wrote it! No. 628 00:37:49,080 --> 00:37:52,760 What is the fact, Greg? Well, I've had to invent a word. 629 00:37:52,800 --> 00:37:55,720 The second word I think is Youbats. 630 00:37:55,760 --> 00:37:57,680 {\an1}LAUGHTER 631 00:37:59,640 --> 00:38:05,880 Only Youbats and armadillos can catch the awful disease leprosy. 632 00:38:05,920 --> 00:38:07,920 It's everything right except for Youbats! 633 00:38:07,960 --> 00:38:09,240 {\an1}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 634 00:38:09,280 --> 00:38:12,480 Oh, humans. Nine. You may have a seat. Nine. 635 00:38:12,520 --> 00:38:16,240 Arguably, I could have used common-sense for "humans"! 636 00:38:16,280 --> 00:38:18,960 Who's next? Phil is up next. Up you pop, Phil. 637 00:38:35,480 --> 00:38:37,760 Oooh! 638 00:38:46,840 --> 00:38:49,040 {\an1}LAUGHTER 639 00:38:49,080 --> 00:38:51,240 Greg, what is Phil Wang's fact? 640 00:38:51,280 --> 00:38:55,120 Phil Wang's tool sacks, 12 blush, majesty two. 641 00:38:55,160 --> 00:38:57,160 {\an1}LAUGHTER 642 00:38:57,200 --> 00:38:58,880 {\an1}APPLAUSE 643 00:39:00,640 --> 00:39:03,160 Can I tell them...? Yeah, what is your fact? 644 00:39:03,200 --> 00:39:07,320 My fact was Phil Wang's shoe size is 12 645 00:39:07,360 --> 00:39:10,280 - then I realised I had four words left - 646 00:39:10,320 --> 00:39:12,640 that's plus two, minus two. 647 00:39:12,680 --> 00:39:15,240 Oh. Close, wasn't it? 648 00:39:15,280 --> 00:39:18,840 Penultimately, it's you, Jessica Knappett. Yeah. 649 00:39:33,640 --> 00:39:37,240 Very nice. Very nice. Thank you. Ready? 650 00:39:37,280 --> 00:39:38,760 Let's just do it, Greg! 651 00:39:38,800 --> 00:39:42,200 Did you know that ants live to an average of 22 years? 652 00:39:42,240 --> 00:39:45,760 He's chucked in two extra words, but he's got it exactly right! Yes! 653 00:39:45,800 --> 00:39:49,360 {\an1}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 654 00:39:49,400 --> 00:39:52,440 The final contestant is Rhod Gilbert. Up you come, Rhod. 655 00:39:52,480 --> 00:39:54,320 Mwhhhh! Let's go. 656 00:40:01,640 --> 00:40:05,200 I am trying, but it is worse than Phil. 657 00:40:05,240 --> 00:40:08,520 And Phil looked like he was having a stroke. 658 00:40:08,560 --> 00:40:10,720 I'm really bad at this. 659 00:40:10,760 --> 00:40:13,040 You've got a very strong accent, that's the problem. 660 00:40:13,080 --> 00:40:15,320 {\an1}LAUGHTER 661 00:40:16,960 --> 00:40:18,920 {\an1}APPLAUSE 662 00:40:23,280 --> 00:40:25,160 OK. Here's what I've got. 663 00:40:25,200 --> 00:40:27,840 And I genuinely have tried to get this right. 664 00:40:27,880 --> 00:40:32,680 Greg brawls in dog jail, think bail, failing old dog death. 665 00:40:32,720 --> 00:40:34,720 {\an1}LAUGHTER 666 00:40:34,760 --> 00:40:36,800 And that is genuinely what I think. 667 00:40:38,400 --> 00:40:40,720 Bang on! LAUGHTER 668 00:40:40,760 --> 00:40:43,080 Would you like to hear the original? Yeah, sure. 669 00:40:43,120 --> 00:40:46,000 Greg broke a toilet seat by sitting on said toilet. 670 00:40:47,720 --> 00:40:53,800 I'm quite hurt you don't remember. I do remember, it was my own toilet. 671 00:40:53,840 --> 00:40:56,360 It wasn't actually, it was in the Edinburgh Festival. 672 00:40:56,400 --> 00:40:59,520 I was trying to get a non-refundable deposit, but thank God I didn't! 673 00:40:59,560 --> 00:41:02,240 In that case, it should have read, "Greg has broken two toilets!" 674 00:41:02,280 --> 00:41:04,680 {\an1}LAUGHTER 675 00:41:07,680 --> 00:41:10,480 Bring everyone down, we'll work it all out when you're down here. 676 00:41:10,520 --> 00:41:13,960 Come on down to the studio floor. APPLAUSE 677 00:41:18,320 --> 00:41:20,680 Well translated. Thank you very much. 678 00:41:20,720 --> 00:41:23,760 Do you want to dish out the bonus point for best fact first? 679 00:41:23,800 --> 00:41:27,680 Yes, I do. OK. I enjoyed all of the facts. All of them. 680 00:41:27,720 --> 00:41:32,720 But, for me, the most genuinely interesting, I had no idea 681 00:41:32,760 --> 00:41:36,120 that it was only humans and armadillos that can get leprosy. 682 00:41:36,160 --> 00:41:38,840 So, there goes the bonus point - James Acaster. 683 00:41:38,880 --> 00:41:40,360 {\an1}APPLAUSE 684 00:41:43,360 --> 00:41:45,840 So, do you want the scores then, including the bonus point? 685 00:41:45,880 --> 00:41:47,560 For God's sake, yes. OK. 686 00:41:47,600 --> 00:41:53,120 You only got one of Rhod's words right, so he gets one point. 687 00:41:53,160 --> 00:41:54,560 The word "Greg"! 688 00:41:56,120 --> 00:41:59,200 After that, Phil was in fourth place with four words, 689 00:41:59,240 --> 00:42:00,840 so he gets two points. 690 00:42:00,880 --> 00:42:04,880 Yeah. Kerry and James joint second with nine words. 691 00:42:04,920 --> 00:42:06,440 {\an1}WHISTLES 692 00:42:06,480 --> 00:42:09,720 But a bonus point to James, so James and Jess both get five points. 693 00:42:09,760 --> 00:42:12,440 Whooo! OK, so joint winners of that task. 694 00:42:12,480 --> 00:42:15,080 {\an1}APPLAUSE 695 00:42:15,120 --> 00:42:20,080 So the series scores? OK, James in last place with 45. Phil, 47. 696 00:42:20,120 --> 00:42:23,000 Jess, 52. And then back down to Rhod with 50. 697 00:42:23,040 --> 00:42:26,080 And then up again, Kerry in the lead with 60 points. 698 00:42:26,120 --> 00:42:28,600 Eight points clear. Oooh! 699 00:42:28,640 --> 00:42:30,880 {\an1}APPLAUSE 700 00:42:30,920 --> 00:42:34,200 Absolutely boshing it. Yes, she is. Smashing it. 701 00:42:34,240 --> 00:42:37,200 However, despite being in last place, this episode has been 702 00:42:37,240 --> 00:42:42,000 won by one point by the mighty Mr James Acaster with 18 points! 703 00:42:42,040 --> 00:42:44,240 {\an1}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 704 00:42:44,280 --> 00:42:45,880 Yes! 705 00:42:45,920 --> 00:42:47,600 YES! 706 00:42:47,640 --> 00:42:50,000 James Acaster, congratulations. 707 00:42:50,040 --> 00:42:54,320 Go and collect your things from the '90s and take Phil Wang with you! 708 00:42:54,360 --> 00:42:56,160 Because you've won Phil Wang! 709 00:42:56,200 --> 00:42:59,680 APPLAUSE So, what have we learnt today? 710 00:42:59,720 --> 00:43:02,040 We've learnt that Youbats can contract leprosy. 711 00:43:02,080 --> 00:43:05,600 And we've learnt that tonight's paragon of task completion 712 00:43:05,640 --> 00:43:07,320 is James Acaster! 713 00:43:07,360 --> 00:43:09,920 Nighty-night, and byesy-bye! APPLAUSE 714 00:43:12,160 --> 00:43:15,600 Subtitles by Red Bee Media